You know the difference right? You know the people who are so negative that it’s draining to be around them and you want to scream at the to lighten up!! I’m sure you also know the sickening positive people who are so far away from reality that their head are in the clouds and they’re pretty much deluded.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been both of these people in my life, and still am! Sometimes my ego throws a fit and I fall into victim mode and think poor me and can’t help but tell my sad tale. It’s times like this I need a real wake up call. But I’ve got to the point in my life (after a whooooole lot of inner work and soul searching) where I’m a pretty positive person 95% of the time.
I like living in my own little world, no matter how deluded it is. I’ve experienced both sides of this coin and let me tell you that the positive side is a whole lot more fun. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
It’s actually easier to be negative, but why?
Well, Negative emotions have a stronger and more lasting effect on the body and spirit that positive ones.
Yes, lovely things happening to us feels great, and we’re grateful for them, but pretty soon, we’re over it. Whereas negative situations or emotions can linger forever, especially if we don’t know how to move past them. This is a survival tool. It helps us learn what to stay away from whether it’s the saber-tooth tiger approaching our camp or having our heart broken. We use past and perceived threats or events as a guide to keep us safe in the future.
If you’re reading this thinking “but I’m quite a negative person” don’t worry too much, it just means you’re intelligent enough to know your worth and know you’re worth protecting and trying to keep yourself safe in order to survive. However, surviving is not the same as living. There’s also no pride or glory in declaring your past traumas. It IS ok and possible to let go of something while taking the lesson with you.
It reminds me of this great Dr Joe Dispenza quote:
The memory without the emotional charge is WISDOM
I’m also not saying that you need to be a “positive person” by being deluded, pretend everything is hunky dory and open yourself up to pain and abuse. There’s nothing spiritual about suffering. There’s spirituality in healing, but suffering doesn’t make us better or worse than anyone else.
I believe that we all wear both hats. We all have the ability to be positive and negative, it just depends on the circumstance at the time as well as the people we surround ourselves with.
The real trouble is, some of us have just got too used to only wearing one hat. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Experiencing a range of emotions is not only normal, but healthy. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious or worrying about something. No one can be happy 100% of the time.
When I feel a wobble coming on, here’s what I do.
Take note here because it’s very detailed… I allow it.
I embrace the wobble and I let it throw it’s little strop. There’s no sense in trying to be the bigger person or meditate or focus on my breathing. None of it will work when I’m freaking out or angry. Whatever emotion it is, is trying to tell me something and wants to be heard. So I let it. I’m not going to lie, it usually is released by me ugly crying and feeling sorry for myself and it’s exhausting and I usually like to have a little nap after that but you wouldn’t believe how much better I feel. Then, and only then, do I have the mental capacity to approach whatever it is, or even just life in general, with a clear head and the energy to try and tackle whatever it is that needs my attention.
Who care’s about being a positive person or a negative person! Who cares about the stereotypes that come with those labels. Why do we always have to be put into boxes? Be both. Be neither. Make up your own label for yourself. You are not one label my friend. You are a complex yet beautiful soul, show a little respect!
Take a deep breath. I had to get that off my chest.
Here’s a cool exercise…
Set a timer on your phone for 1 minute. Notice and try to remember all the things around you that begin with the letter P.
Once the timer goes off, close your eyes and name all of the things that you saw that begin with the letter T.
Yes, I wrote that right. When your mind is so focused on one thing (like things beginning with P), you’re blind to the abundance of things that surround that begin with T.
What are you focusing on that isn’t serving you?
What is stopping you from moving forward to where/who you’d like to be?
Make a list of all the reasons you deserve to move on from this. List all the reasons you have to be grateful in your current reality. List all the positive things you learned from this experience.
Now recognize that holding onto this things is limiting your present and your future. We cannot change our past but we can decide what we allow to hold on to. Forgive that person/event/situation for teaching you a valuable lesson and for being so deprived of love that it caused you pain and decide to release it because YOU deserve to be free from it.