How I Made 2019 My best Yet

For as long as I can remember, every January I’ve always made big plans for the year ahead with every intention of fulfilling every one of them.

Then, before I know it, Christmas is upon us and I haven’t achieved a fraction of the things I’d promised myself I would, if any of the things at all.

In late 2017, my brother passed away suddenly at the age of 30 and I made a decision there and then that I would live a life full enough for the both of us.

I started to make some big changes in my life, but the majority of my energy went into healing and just getting through each day.

There are still times that I need to take an afternoon or a whole day to just sit with my feelings, but I’m in a much better head space now and my promise to my brother keeps ringing in my head.

(This ties into the blog I wrote about finding your ‘why‘ to motivate you.)

2019 was a turning point for me. I got so fed up of talking about getting started and preparing to get started. I decided to just do it.

I put plans into place to save up for certain things I wanted to experience.

I said yes to more things that made me smile.

I said no, a lot, to things that I just really didn’t want to or didn’t need to do.

I scheduled things into my calendar that I knew I wanted to attend.

I planned ahead! This was a big one for me. Instead of constantly living in reaction mode and forever treading water, I planned ahead and made my life easier, got more done and freed up some time to rest my mind and body, or do more of the things I wanted instead of reciting the dreaded mantra “I don’t have time.”

I made the time!

I stopped making excuses, and watched my language around what I could do and what I was choosing not to do.

I worked on my mindset… like, every day and this helped me to focus more on myself and stop caring what other people thought of me so I can do more of what makes me happy, unapologetically.

I used specific NLP (neuro-lingustic programming) techniques used in my coaching sessions, that work through and eliminate limiting beliefs and blocks that cause us to self sabbotage.

I got clear about the version of myself that I wanted to be and done more of the things that that Rhiannon would do.

I decluttered my life, physically and emotionally of all the things that no longer served me.

As a result, I lived a happy and fuller year that felt more aligned to the life I wanted to live.

Was it perfect? Absolutely not.

I still had some lessons to learn and hard truths to discover. There was still some pain and difficult moments. But on the whole, it was an incredible year and I’m grateful for all of it because it made me into the person I am today.

If you want to make 2020 an incredible year, follow these steps, develop your own, stop caring what others think, love yourself more, do something different!

You don’t have to have it all figured out right now, just take a step and work it out along the way.

If you think you might need an extra hand, team up with a friend, start a new program or get in contact with a coach.

Speaking of which, I have a new program for January. This 28 day program is an easy four-step method to helping you rewire your brain to think more positively, feel more confident and empower yourself.

I wanted this to be an affordable program so that anyone can make the necessary changes to step into their power. So this program is only £15! But if you’re quick, you can get an early bird discount. Just click here!

You can so do this! You just need to let yourself.

Ok, 2 steps this week.
Firstly, share this blog post with a friend (or friends) that you think could benefit.
And secondly, get your pen and journal now and brainstorm some ideas about how you can make some positive changes in 2020, because it can be your year, if you let it.

3 Wonderful Gifts to Give Yourself This Christmas

Christmas is the season of giving, and lord knows we give so many gifts this time of year that we sometimes put ourselves into financial difficulty just cover the basics.

You make sure everyone has a gift, teachers have a gift, coworkers or staff have a little something, the food shopping is done, The house is cleaned to a very high standard and everyone’s gifts are labelled and bagged ready to be delivered.

But how often do you give yourself a gift? I’m not talking bout treating yourself to that cute dress you’ve seen or a new moisturiser because yours has run out. I mean a real special gift to give yourself, and *spoiler Alert* you won’t even have to reach for your purse as all these gifts, like all the really good ones, don’t cost a penny.

Make 2020 a year that you really dedicate to yourself.

Gift #1

The first gift I want you to give yourself is acknowledgement.
I want you to really take a look at your life and recognise all of the difficult things you’ve encountered and overcome, all of the painful experiences you have worked through, all of the lessons you have learned, all of the wonderful things you’ve experienced, all of the things you’ve worked for, all of the miracles you’ve created and all of the blessings you have to be grateful for.

You did it all. You’ve overcome and worked through every single experience you’ve ever had, and although every single one of them has contributed to who you are today, none of them define who you are. They were simply one of the many experiences you’ve encountered and got through.

So I beg you, if you don’t give yourself any other gift, please just acknowledge yourself.

Gift #2

The next gift I want you to give yourself, is investment.
We know that if we invest time, energy or money into something, it’s because we want that thing to bloom and grow. That is my wish for you. I want you to bloom and grow into the happiest, fullest and most authentic version of yourself.

You can invest in yourself by signing up to a new course or class, buying (or borrowing) a book that speaks to you, allowing yourself set time to indulge in some self-care, seeking outside help from a mentor or coach, and many other ways.

You are your biggest asset. Invest in yourself and allow yourself to grow and evolve into the best version of yourself, however that looks to you.

Gift #3

The last gift I wish for you, elaborates on from investing in yourself. This gift can be a lot more difficult for many, so just approach it with an open mind.

The third gift I want you to give yourself is belief. Reflecting on from all that you acknowledged yourself for, have the belief that although difficult times have come, they have also gone. Reflect on all the wonderful things you’ve experienced and believe that you’ve had wonderful experiences before and you can have them again. Reflect on all the things you’ve worked towards in the past and that have come to fruition, and believe that you can absolutely achieve things you want again.

The issue here is that many of us have been conditioned over many, many years to believe we just “fail” and failing is ‘bad’. so we have come to learn that we just shouldn’t even try because we ‘can’t do it’. Rubbish!

If you are at the point where you really don’t believe you can do it, at least approach things with curiosity.
“I wonder if I just tried, how far I could go.”
“If I just asked, they could say no and that would be fine, but what if they said yes?”
“They gave sally, who sits across from me a raise last year, so there’s a good change they’d give me one too as I’ve hit all my targets this year.”
“If I commit myself to exercising 3 times this week and trying out those
yummy looking recipes, I wonder if I’d loose any weight?”
“I wonder if I hired a coach and done all the work she told me to do, I’d be able to get out of this rut and feeling of hopelessness and maybe even begin to love myself again? Can’t hurt, right?”

When you approach something with curiosity, you take all the pressure off and it’s no longer a case of failure or success, its just playful, experimentation and mischievous. So again, if you’re not at the place where you have full belief, then at least be curious to the possibilities you are capable of. I can guarantee you, you’re wrong about yourself. All the limitations you have put upon yourself have stopped you from even trying so you don’t really know what you can do. You just decided you can’t.

Now it’s your turn.
Get your pen and notebook, and list at least 10 things you acknowledge yourself for, and try to make it a range of difficult, exciting, proud moments.
Next, write down 5 possible ways you can invest in yourself that will get you closer to a version of yourself that you want to become.
Lastly, write the following statement:
I Believe I have the ability to try and I’m curious to see how much I can do.

Reflection into Direction

Merry Christmas!

I hope you’re all enjoying the festive period whatever you’re doing.

So many of us take pride in being a free spirit and drifting our way through life, and while I totally have times in my life when I feel this is OK, I also know that if I don’t have some kind direction or intention of where I’m headed, I’ll get nowhere really fast.

Sometimes we have no idea where we want to go or what direction to turn so, instead of making the wrong decision, we procrastinate, don’t make any decision and wait for “the right time” and are still shocked that another year has passed and we’re still here, or worse, somewhere we don’t want to be.

If you don’t know where you want to go (or maybe you do), that’s OK because first we’re going to reflect on the year (or month or even week) that we’ve just had, to gauge where we want to go moving forward.

Yes, this is a time to turn off the telly, get quiet and really listen to your intuition.

Open your journal and answer the following journal prompts:

  • What did I love about this year?
  • What did I do that I wasn’t proud of?
  • What do I want to do less of?
  • What do I want to do more of?
  • Where can I make time in my life to make this happen?
  • If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would…
  • What do I need to overcome in order to make this possible?

As we tend to write slower than we can talk or think, when we journal, it allows us to analyse our immediate responses that we have been programmed to respond with and allow our intuition/higher self/soul or whatever you want to call it, to speak the truth.

For example, a common immediate response to ‘What do you want more of?‘ would be “money.”
But money isn’t really the desire. The desire would be what that person believes money can bring them. That could be ‘to pay off my debts’, ‘to work less’, ‘to take my kids on holiday’, ‘to live without the fear of going into my overdraft’ or about a million other things.

So let your intuition have a chance to speak up and take the time to do this exercise.

Open your journal now to reflect on last year to direct where you are going to take your life in the coming year.
And as always, spread the love by sending this to someone you think would benefit.
Wishing you all a happy, healthy and wealthy new year.

How to Find Your Motivation

Sometimes, when we want something, even if we know it’ll improve our life, our happiness, our mood, our stress levels, even our financial situation, we just can’t seem to find the motivation to go for it.

Ok, yes, this might be a limiting belief that we spoke out in a previous blog. And this is one of the biggest reasons why people come to me for coaching (You can work through it yourself by following the steps here)

But there’s also another reason, people just can’t seem to find the motivation.

This is because of their long list of priorities, adding more things to their to-do isn’t lighting them up.

Let me tell you why.

Don’t shoot me when I tell you this. And don’t dismiss it before you let it sink in.

People don’t want their goal. They want what their goal will bring them emotionally.

Hear me out!

When someone says “I want more money” what they really mean is “I want the freedom that money can give me“.

When someone says “I want to lose weight” they don’t care where the weight goes and they don’t even care what the scales say. They care what they believe the new weight will bring them.
This could be a feeling of confidence, sexiness, approval, worthiness, or a whole range of other emotions. What they really mean is “I want to feel that emotion and I believe losing weight will bring me that.”

When someone says “I want a new car” they really mean “I want the emotion that I believe a new car will bring me.”
That emotion could be ‘to feel inferior to others.’
It could be ‘to feel relaxed and confident that I can drive to work everyday without having the fear that I may break down.’
It could be ‘to ensure my children are in a safe and comfortable vehicle giving me peace of mind that I’m being the best parent I can be.’
It could be anything.

I think you get my point.

It’s important to peel back the layers of your desires/goals.

My clients will tell you I’m serious about this. I call this “finding your ‘why‘”.

And it’s so important.

We are emotional beings and we need to stop running from our emotions.

We purchase things based on our emotions.

How many times have you made a purchase purely based on your emotions instead of logic?

Ok, now how many times have you made a purchase based on logic and then regretted it.

The heart knows what it wants, whereas the head can be persuaded. (anyone else a disney fan?)

If you tell yourself to achieve a goal, there’s no passion and no drive until you attach some emotions and feelings to it.

Your ‘why‘ is also the thing that’ll pick you back you and get you back on track when you reach hurdles and pitfalls because your ‘why‘ goes so much deeper and bigger than your ‘self‘.

Our ‘why‘ also often benefits those around us, either directly or indirectly, and for some reason, we seem to think other people are worthy of happiness and nice things more than we are ourselves. Even though you and I both know that’s rubbish.

I mean, if you really think about it, you kind of owe it to us to achieve your goal if it’s going to benefit the world, even if it’s just a small way, the world needs more of that.

And you definitely owe it to yourself to try to be as happy and fulfilled as you can, because… isn’t that why you came to experience this life?

And also, whether you know it or not, or believe me or not, you are an inspiration to others and are modelling how they believe they can (or cannot) live their life.

When you shine brightly, you give others the permission to do the same. Our emotions are contagious and when you are happy and laugh like a loon, those around you do too. Then those around them people do too and it becomes a ripple effect throughout the world.

Do it for you.
Do it for them.
Do it for us.

To find your ‘why‘ ask yourself:
Why do I want this goal?
What do I believe it’ll bring me?
What do I believe it won’t bring me?
Who else will benefit if I achieve this?

How to Reduce Overwhelm

This time of year can easily make us feel overwhelmed. There’s so much shopping to do, get-togethers to attend, rushing around to do, not to mention the days are shorter, there is less sun and so don’t as much of that happiness chemical released in our brain, it’s cold outside, things can just seem a little dreary on the whole.

Did anyone else just read that and instantly feel a bit deflated too?

In truth, it doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas or summer, if you’re an introvert or extrovert, if you’re at work or on holiday, overwhelm can kick in at any time, if you let it.

This is where I say poor you and that life is so unfair.
NOT!

Yes, life is unfair at times but falling into victim mode is not helpful.

Unfortunately, there are times when no matter how much we kick and scream, no matter how much we bury our heads in the sand, sh*t needs to get done! you can prolong it as much as you like, but at some point you’re going to have to face the music.

When we feel overwhelmed it can help to either zoom out, zoom in or even both.

When I feel overwhelmed with parenting, I imagine myself floating up out of my body way up high into the sky and seeing myself down below in my current situation way down below. I zoom right out so that I can see my timeline stretched out and the stressful situation I am currently in is just a blip on the grand scheme of things.

It really help helps me to not be so consumed by the overwhelm that I feel in stressful situations so that I don’t make things seem bigger than they are.

When I feel overwhelmed by my schedule or my to-do list, it helps me to zoom in. Focusing on one task at a time rather than having 8 or 9 hanging over my head makes me feel a lot lighter and that I can breathe a little easier.

Sometimes you might even need to zoom in even more by breaking down one item on your to-do list into 5 or 6 micro to-dos. For example “organising my son’s birthday party” might look like:

  • Finding a date that would work
  • Ordering a food delivery from asda for the day before for all the party food
  • Emailing/texting/writing invitations
  • Planning, researching or booking entertainment
  • Buying decorations

Having so much to do is such a common cause of overwhelm and organisation and zooming in one just a small portion of your to-do list is really a useful way to reduce stress around this issue.

How do we do that though? Let me explain.

Ok, first things first, get a pen and paper. You knew that was coming, right?

I want to you write down everything that you have to do. Everything.

Sometimes just having it in front of you in black and white can make you realise you have been over dramatising things. If you really do have so much to do, cool. You’ve just taken the first step to get it all done.

Now it’s time to acknowledge that you’re only one person. You are not a superhuman and you can only do so much at any one time. So go easy on yourself please.

While looking at the list, I want you to pick out the three top tasks that you absolutely have to do today. Let’s call these your Most Important Tasks (MITs).

These three things have to get done before you attempt anything else on that list. If nothing else gets done today, these three things must be completed. Anything else is a bonus.

Before you attempt your MITs, have a quick scan to see if anything on your list can be delegated.

It could be collecting the kids from school, picking up your dry cleaning, picking up some dinner from the supermarket, following up on some RSVPs. These things don’t necessarily need you to physically be there, someone else could do them.

Take 3 minutes to reach out now and delegate these things.

Now is time to take action on your MITs. Complete your most important MIT in it’s entirety (or until you cannot physically do anymore without further instruction) before you start your next one.

Side note, studies show that after every hour of sitting at your desk, or focusing on any task, it improves productivity if you come away from the task in hand and break your focus. Go to the toilet, make a cup of tea, eat a banana or go for a 5 minute walk. Experts recommend a 10 minute break for every hour you focus on something. Physically coming away from your work station for a break allows you return with a clearer focus, a recharged brain and a better attitude.

Once you have crossed off all of your MITs (and actually cross them off it’s so satisfying), give yourself a pat on the back! Today has been a success! You can now attempt some of the other tasks that are on your list.

Again, focusing only on one task at a time, go through as many on your list as possible crossing each one off after completion.

When your work day is done, it’s important to reward yourself for all of your hard work. Be it a nice hot bath with candles and a good book, a mini facial at home with your favourite face mask, a de-stressing yoga practice, your favourite cake or whatever floats your boat.

When you reward yourself a chemical is released in your brain that encourages productivity in the future as your body will be looking to receive that chemical again, sort of like when you give a dog a treat to train a specific behaviour.

It’s also important to have time completely away from any work and have time dedicated to enjoyment. After all, life is more than just crossing things off of your to-do list. When you’ve come away from all your tasks (or torn yourself away, remember it’s ok to still have items on your list, you can just do them tomorrow or at a later date), give yourself the opportunity to have some down time. Allow your brain and your body the rest it deserves (this includes adequate sleep) not just to enjoy the sense of peace, but also to rest and recharge because tomorrow is a new day that will need clarity, focus and productivity too.

I hope this has helped to put things into perspective for you. Remember, you are only human. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There will always be things on your to-do list. A bit like no matter how much washing you do, the washing basket will always have more dirty clothes to wash.

What has been on your to-do list that you’ve been putting off but has been hanging over your head? Can you schedule in some time dedicated to this task so that it can be completed this week? Delegate some aspect of it? Make a phone call? What action step can you do right now that will get you a step or two closer to completing this task?

Do your heart’s desires belong to someone else?

Sometimes we’re unsure of what we want, and sometimes we have no clue at all.

Sometimes we think we want something that in reality, we don’t truly desire it’s just something that society or our environment tells us we should want so we convince ourselves it’s what we want too.

For example, we’re told that laying on a white sandy beach with the hot sun on our face and a fruity cocktail in our hands is paradise.

And to some people it is!

But what if you don’t drink, or if you have sensitive skin, or you hate being in the sun, or hate the feel of sand between your toes, or you hate sitting still or all of the above?

You might think it’s ridiculous but it happens all the time.

People study law, medicine or something else because it’s what their parents wanted for them.

People get married because it’s what they think is the next “right” step to take.

People follow diet trends and hobbies and television programs and lifestyle choices and even beliefs not because it serves them positively or brings them joy but because society tells them they should.

How do I know what I really want, you ask?

When I want to get really clear about something, I reach for my journal. I free-write about my ideal situation for whatever I want clarity over.

Without judgement or thought for spelling, grammar, the neatness of my handwriting or thinking too much about it, I let my hand freely express what my heart and soul desires in an ideal scenario.

After you’ve finished, wait an hour before rereading and you might be surprised with what you read.

It could be to do with love, family life, your career, your habits, your goals, your next holiday, anything! just let it flow and let it out.

Subconsciously you already know what would make your heart sing.

You’re unique and so are your wants and desires. Honor them. For they are just as valid as anyone else’s.

What does your heart call for? Take 5 minutes to free write now.

How to change Limiting Beliefs

If you read last week’s blog post

You don’t have to believe a belief

Then you are already familiar with what a belief is and what it isn’t.

In my coaching sessions, I work with people all the time to help them change their limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs.

During our coaching sessions, we also use some amazing NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) techniques that really help to train the brain to take on this new empowering belief.

But fear not. I have a great way for you to start the transformation process.

Actually, the transformation had already happened.

You’re only reading this because you believe, on some level, that it’s possible for you to have more empowering beliefs that support your success. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have even bothered reading up to this point.

As I said in last weeks post, your beliefs are there to try to help you. And while they may have helped you at some point in your life, if they’re no longer serving you to your highest good anymore, it’s time to gently let them go and replace them with more empowering beliefs.

This is a writing exercise, so I want you to get your favourite journal, notebook or scrap envelope.

This is an exercise that I do with my clients called the “why I can” exercise.

The only reason you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t, is because you have got very creative with memorizing false evidence that supports that belief.

If you can have a list of reasons to hand why you can, then your subconscious starts to get curious and question your previous belief.

Here’s the why I can exercise.

Open your journal to a fresh new page and think of a goal you want to achieve or are currently working towards achieving. Write it down.

Now, list 3 – 5 excuses that are your go-to reasons for why you “can’t” achieve this goal. 

For example, “I don’t have enough money,” “I don’t have enough time” and “I’m just not strong enough.”

Write down your first excuse as a title and under it, write “this is not true because…”

Now list all of the reasons you can think of that support the opposite of this excuse.

For example, 

“I don’t have enough money”

This is not true because…

  • I pay all of my bills every month.
  • If I want to go on holiday, I save to make it happen
  • I could think of ways to earn more money
  • I could think of ways to save money
  • There is around $80 trillion in the world, I just need to find a way to get a miniscule fraction of it. 

You get the point…

Do this for every one of the 3-5 excuses you have listed. 

Now, look at your first excuse. It’s purpose was to protect you from potential danger, harm or upset in some form. I want you to say the following out loud, in a kind yet firm tone: 

Thank you for trying to protect me, but you’re no longer serving me. You can go now.

Get a thick black pen and cross out your first excuse and replace it with a new belief of why you can.

For example,

I don’t have enough money I spend my money wisely and to fund my dreams
Do this for each one of your 3-5 excuses.
While you’re on a roll, add another 5-10 supportive reasons for why you can achieve your goals, be happy, succeed in life and do anything you set your mind to.

What limiting beliefs are you going to work on while using the why I can exercise?